Survival and Overcoming The Obstacles

During the past four years, my life has been a journey of self-growth.

I have been through many obstacles and challenges during which my life has flashed before my eyes.

It started in college when I was abused.

I didn’t respect myself and found myself infatuated and didn't really realize what love really was or should be.

My self-esteem was at its lowest.

Then in 2016, I was assaulted while running on a trail in a park.

It was unexpected and shocking, and I never thought this would happen to me, especially while I was running carefree in a park in broad daylight.

I didn’t report it, as my low self-esteem somehow told me that it was my own fault.

I know that someday I will have to forgive myself for that.

That specific incident stole my ability to run on trails freely.

It was the beginning of fear stealing my freedom and allowing me to live my life in a carefree way.

Then in 2016, my life really spiraled out of control.

An incident occurred which made me think that it would be my last day on earth.

I witnessed the most unimaginable and unthinkable set of events possible.

It marked the beginning of my road to recovery.

For days and even months later, I couldn’t cope at all.

All I wanted to do was sleep and escape.

I didn’t want to be around people, and I didn’t want to eat.

In fact, there were many moments when I wished I was dead so that I wouldn’t feel anything.

At least when I slept, I didn’t have to think or have irrational thoughts running through my mind.

I also wouldn’t have to hear over and over again the horrible words
screamed at me during this incident: “All you will ever be is a nanny," and that voice saying, "Boy, you lasted a really long time," and "Turn around this way; it will be easier.”

Those words that scared me so much became my new reality and continue to haunt me to this day.

I had to ask the police several times if he was locked up just so I
could close my eyes.

Over the next few years, finding ways to cope became a new way of life.

It was six weeks later when I found myself mixing pills with alcohol in an attempt to end my life.

I wrote notes to every single person that was important to me.

Over the next couple of years, my fearfulness and anxiety escalated.

My anxiety was at its worst, and my thinking was predicting the worst.

An incident occurred where I was walking to Starbucks.

Close to my house, I noticed a man on a bicycle and it seemed to me that he was following me.

I was terrified.

When I turned onto a street, he also turned onto the same street.

He tried talking to me, and I ignored him.

Was he dangerous?

Is he going to harm me?

Should I run?

All these were questions flying through my mind.

Were these questions irrational?

I didn’t know.

I reported this incident because this time I wanted to be safe and not sorry.

Maybe I could save someone else from going through what I went through.

During the past three years I felt like I was going down a downhill spiral.