My Life Experiences With Domestic Violence
Yelling, the raised voices, sometimes it was all too much.
The whole punched through the door, the anger the frustration in his voice.
The constant fights.
The constant battle.
She took him back many times.
The constant conversations telling her she deserves better, wasn’t enough until I left home for college.
Then it was final.
Too bad it wasn’t the first time he left.
I am a product of what you see is truly what you know.
In 2010 the abuse followed me.
I met someone who began to charm me , and I fell into the trap.
It was yet another bump in the road.
Soon after the honeymoon stage wore off.
I was called names, yelled at.
Shoved into walls.
Later cheated on me that's when enough was enough for me.
My journey of violence didn’t end on that note.
It began to get worse over time, not better.
Fast forward to August 28th, 2016, the worst was only beginning, what I didn’t know at the time was just how it would end.
It was the biggest storm cloud of my life.
It rocked me to my core.
It shook me with everything I had.
It took away my ability to trust.
I had come face to face with a murder who was my ex.
He brought me up to the deceased apartment.
Showed me details that I don’t even want to begin to remember.
I was strangled in a matter of moments because I wouldn’t do what he wanted me to do.
Then he put hands on me for a second time.
He touched my private area, and said you can’t tell me this doesn’t feel good.
There was no way no how that I would sleep with someone after they did something so horrific and unspeakable.
I also had a knife pointed at my back, telling me this way would be less painful.
I am telling you from my experience to leave your abuser as long as it’s safe to do so, because it will escalate.
It doesn’t get better, mine took a life and tried to take mine at the same time.
When it’s safe to do so you run for the hills.
I hope through sharing my pain, my heartache, my trauma , that you follow your heart and know that you can get out, because your abuser won’t change.
Whatever the abuse is rather physical, mental, verbal, emotional, it’s all painful.
One abuse isn’t less than the other.
They all leave ever lasting scars.
They take away parts of you piece by piece.
The longer stay, the longer it takes to rebuild yourself again, to restructure yourself again.
It sure as hell isn’t going to be easy.
You have to ask yourself these tough questions.
Is this really the life I want to live?
Is this the example I want to set for my children?
Can this person kill me?
Is this really in fact what I truly deserve?
Is the abuse any less because it’s not physical?
Is this what others would want for me?
Am I truly happy?
What's my mental health like?
How did it get here?
How do I get out safely?
The longer I stay what kind of impact will that have on me?
Would I want this for my best friend, sister, cousin, brother, etc?
Dig deep, self reflect.
Forget love, and look at the situation for what it truly is.
Love should never hurt, ever.