How Trauma Affects Arguments In New Relationships?

Trauma affects arguments in relationships through fear, panic, and worry.

Fear stems through the past and fearing the worst will happen, that you will get your heart broken.

Fear of that person leaving and not returning especially after an argument.

Fear of old habits, old backpage.

Fear of disloyalty, dishonesty.

Fear of not being enough.

Fear of differences, not seeing eye to eye.

Fear of being too difficult, too stubborn.

Fear of failure.

Fear of  being alone.

Fear of something so good, and so pure being swept away.

Fear of what could go wrong.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of being too much.

The panic stems from anxiety .

When led to full blown panic attacks.

Panic attacks can be anything from heavy breathing, to feeling that you can’t catch breath, your heart rate increases, your palms become sweaty, you feel dizzy, weak, light headed.

Panic of doom.

Panic of concern.

Again hand and hand the panic of fear.

The panic of the past returning.

The panic of heartbreak.

The panic of being cheated on again.

The panic of love and when we love hard, the fall is even greater.

The panic of our heart sinking, because we are to head strong.

The panic of being too guarded.

The sheer panic of love falling apart because the arguments outweigh the love.

The worry that it won’t work.

The worry of being in a negative mindset.

The worry of not being worthy of love.

The worry that our words are too much.

The worry that words aren’t enough.

The worry of failure, or of being judged because we have too much of an opinion.

We need to take that worry and spin it into positivity.

Yes, that is way easier said than done.

However we need to train our minds to adapt to the positive or else the worst will take over.

We have to be willing to take the worry fear in panic, and ask ourselves, why we feel the way we feel?

What is keeping our minds away from being positive? 

Why can’t we fear and worry about the opposite? Why can’t we fear that an argument is just a difference of opinion, and if the love and happiness is strong enough then we conquer it together.

It’s about changing our mindset, our view points.

Do we get to that place overnight ? No

We work everyday if we want the relationship to work we must self reflect, and dig deep.

Turn every single stone over through therapy sessions, rather it;s couples or individual therapy.

It’s about effort.

It’s ongoing communication, trust , honesty, and being loyal.

It’s about being open, and direct, and straight to the point.

When we have an argument or a difference of opinion, Does it mean the relationship is over?

No it doesn’t

It means meeting each other halfway and finding that common ground.

If you're arguing everyday or it becomes abusive that's a whole different story.

Nothing in life is smooth sailing.

If you want something to work badly enough, and the love is strong, then you work at each and every day.

You don’t give up because things may not be ideal.

You are a team, and you work through it.  

You grow and you learn from it and for it.

You ask each other, what could you do differently next time?

You don’t push each other away. You find the root of the problem.

You fix it.

You never go to bed angry, because tomorrow isn’t promised.

You never want to have regrets, it’s important to tell your partner how you're feeling about that argument and why.

Address it right away, don’t wait for it to grow. 

You wouldn’t wait for a fire to get larger , you would use the fire extinguisher, you would try to escalate it.

Love each other for who you are, not what you're not.