How Does Trauma Affect Arguments In Past Relationships?

Trauma affects arguments in past relationships through being with someone who is controlling , manipulative, demanding, dishonest, and disloyal.

Trauma affects the way you communicate with your ex partner.

It depends on who they are and how they treat you.

If arguments occurred all the time in the past relationship it may be familiar.

It may be all that you know.

Maybe it was the only person you have ever been with.

Maybe they created the damage and brought the trauma on you .

Maybe you thought and they could and would change.

Maybe it was chance after chance.

Sometimes it takes two to argue  in a relationship.

Sometimes it’s one sided.

One person putting all the blame on you, and taking no responsibility for their part in disrespecting you.

I know this all too well, through being with players, and being told it was my fault. 

You can blame yourself and play the blame game over and over again and carry it over into new relationships.

The other option is owning your part, maybe you said and did all that you could.

Maybe your heart wasn’t truly it.

Maybe you sucked up the arguments and put them to rest because you wanted to make it work for the kids, the house, financially, maybe you cared too much about others opinion and not enough about your own. Maybe you wanted the picture perfect life.

Maybe you couldn’t see past the reality of it all, because you had so much hope that it could be better.

Arguments stem because of miscommunication, lack of trust, lack of respect, lack of morals, growing apart, being too much alike, or being disengaged. .

When the constant arguments become too much it creates pain, it creates more problems, more anger, more heartache. 

The emotions can take over and be quite overwhelming.

The only way to really get past the past is to dig deep , and self reflect.

You have to be willing to ask yourself questions to gain clarity and knowledge.

That's the only way you will grow as a person when you step beyond your comfort zone.

You find reasoning beyond the madness and chaos.

Some reflection questions who need to ask yourself is,

Are these relationships healthy or toxic?

Do I deserve someone who constantly picks a fight?

Do I deserve dishonesty?

Do I deserve someone that devalues me as a human being?

Do I deserve all the arguments that I am getting?

Am I part of the problem, or the fix to the solution?

Is this what I want for my kids or family?

What does healthiness in a relationship look like?

When is arguing too much and how worried should I feel?

Is this relationship bringing me up or bringing me down?

You have to be willing to step up to the plate for yourself, and truly take action and control of your own life.

If arguing is all that you know, and seen in your upbringing, then you don’t know any different.

That's when it’s time to step up and say enough is enough. I am going to get myself through this. 

That starts with getting counseling, being able to unturn every stone starting at childhood.

You have to be willing to talk through your problems and work through them, so you can exit out of something that is toxic and abusive. 

You have to be willing to get the help and treatment you need to move forward in your life, and adapt to something healthy and positive.

No more drama, or toxic nature if all you're doing is arguing it’s going to be darkness and it’s going to set you back.

When something doesn't work and can't be fixed because too much damage has been done. 

That's when it’s time to walk away and do you and fix you so you can heal.

That's not selfish, that's called love for yourself.