Finding Strength In Who You Are After Trauma

After experiencing horrific trauma rather than as an adult or a child, our world changes and it’s shattered into millions of pieces.

We lose who we once were only to find out who we really are as we come out on the other side of our trauma, to find strength and solitude and to redefine both of those characteristics within ourselves.

Our emotions change, some of us are extremely emotional where others almost never cry or show they are upset, because they have known pain for way too long.

Some of us have a rush of fear where others are less fearless.

We experience and deal with trauma differently, at the end of the day we define ourselves and start a fresh life, however that may look like.

After almost being the next person to get murdered, my journey has had many high’s and some lows.

As for me, my emotions are a roller coaster. I went from happy to crying, my emotions got to a point where they were so overwhelming that I attempted to take my life as a result.

I never thought that I would feel so much in such a short period of time, the walls felt as though they were closing in tight on me.

The pressure of it all just seemed too much.

How could I allow a murderer to win?

How could I be so selfish when justice needed to be served?

I changed that day after seeing my life flash before my eyes.

At that point all I knew was fear, panic, and anxiety.

My whole life was a question mark.

Where do I go from here?

How can I possibly move forward?

What if I get put in another situation just like this one?

How could I not let this take over my life?

How could I get rid of all this survivor's guilt?

Why was I here and the descent wasn’t here?

All these questions can be answered with one word and that word is strength no matter what we all have strength in us.

Strength is work and it’s a working progress at that.

Strength takes time and patience.

You must be fully committed and dedicated to rebuilding yourself.

How do you do this?

You do this by putting together an action plan.

That first step is counselling so you can be prepared for what's to come, and even working with the victim assistance program if you were in a similar situation like myself.

I worked with the victim assistance program day in and day out as I prepared for trial.

They were my support network, and they encouraged me to look at my tattoo that said strength on it as I provided my testimony.

If you're having to go to court for my tattoo and having support got me though, you know maybe you have your favourite necklace or bracelet or some type of comfort item as you take the stand, see those are little pieces of strength and provide someone with a level of security.

It’s the little things we do for ourselves that can provide us with a new approach into gaining our strength.

It’s developing a positive and healthy relationship not only with others but ourselves providing ourselves with daily affirmations such as

  • I am strong
  • I am a survivor
  • I am beautiful
  • I am creative
  • I am grateful
  • I am a role model
  • I am courageous
  • I am inspiring 
  • I have purpose
  • I have knowledge
  • I am powerful because I have gotten through the storm

It’s all about changing our thought process and changing our minds to see the positive and just focusing on that traumatic life experience.

It’s also about putting together a schedule ourselves so we have the stability and consistency. Some of us have high anxiety and we like to know what's coming next. If writing down your daily routine helps give you strength and purpose for the day then do that.

It’s all about creating a safe and beautiful environment for yourself.

Strength is in each and everyone of us; it's just about finding it.

My strength came out in a book, and fitness and having a huge support system in place.

Trauma doesn’t have to define your life, it’s always going to be a part of your life.

There will be triggers, and there will be tough moments. When those moments happen, feel everything you need to feel, cry, scream. Just never give up on your ability to feel how you need to feel or don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Getting out and giving testimony and talking to police and detectives that's all strength and that's truly something to be proud of. That you can speak truth and your soul's purpose through trauma is  justice, I know my purpose was justice, I was the key witness in putting a monster behind bars.

We all have purpose, we all have a story and we all go through trauma at some point in ourselves it’s about coaching ourselves though it. 

It’s a step by step progress, it’s not something you just get through. 

It’s breath by breath, it’s moment by moment, it’s learning who you are and finding your passion and being able to find what makes you shine brighter than ever before that's strength.

Take a leap of faith on yourself, believe in yourself, and know that anything is possible and you deserve to live again.

The trauma will never go away finding strength in yourself through writing a book or working out or running that marathon, or joining a sports team that's the hero of your life, and choosing life after trauma.

strength is within us on the inside and out and it’s beautiful when we choose it and live for strength that is the true meaning of a survivor.